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Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a

new definition :


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its

yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings

for common words. And the winners are:

 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the

 subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

 2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops  bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,   shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting a date.

 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

 really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's

 like, a serious bummer.

 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day

 consuming only things that are good for you.

 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after

 you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.

 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in

 the fruit you're eating.

 The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

 11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by


 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

  14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

  15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

  16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by

 Jewish men.


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